My first burlesque solo

My first burlesque solo was fantastic. Almost life changing.

I took the solo development class at Revolver Studios - http://www.revolverstudiosmn.com -

from the lovely Scarlette Revolver. While the classes deal with dancing, choreography and technique refinement, Scarlette also teaches self confidence and self acceptance, positive thinking and respect. The classes are very beneficial on a physical and emotional level - even if you never intend to perform.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

People think that in order to do burlesque,(or belly dance, or be in a band - other hobbies of mine, too) that you need to have a lot of self esteem.

While I'm sure there are many burlesque and other performing artists who are very secure in themselves and have a boatload of self esteem - I'm living proof that you can actually be very insecure and do this. It reminds me of the comedians out there - who are actually quite depressed.

It's a struggle that not many people know about. There seems to be multiple types of insecure people. The first type doesn't mind talking about their various flaws and insecurities. The second type wants it to be secret. The attention from all the reassurances once one confesses to having low self esteem makes me and others like me - far too uncomfortable.

The struggle is real though. In most cases I'm not my own friend. I have a horrible inner voice that tells me the worst things about myself on a daily basis about most things.

And of course - the moments leading up to my first burlesque solo on Thursday August 17th, 2017 were no exception. The inner critic was still telling me things like -

"People automatically dislike you, you'll see when no one cheers for you"

"They'll boo you during your reveals because your body is disgusting"

"People think you are wildly unattractive. You are crazy to do this"

But I went out there and gave it my all.

And the audience was so warm and supportive. The cheered for me during the "big" moments. They cheered for me during the parts I thought were less interesting in my routine. I let my emotions - flirty, sensual, sexual, raunchy (hey this is burlesque after all it's allowed! lol) I allowed it to come out. Not only allowed it - I gave it to the audience and they responded, and I gave them more and they responded more. To me!

I stood in front of a crowded theater of people - almost nude (pasties and panties) - and they were cheering - for me. Flawed body and lumpy exposed thighs and all.

As I was thinking back on the moment - I had my own paradigm shift.

I have stood, almost nude on a stage full of people cheering for me, when I didn't think they would respond to me with any positivity at all. Why do I have to fear people's opinions so much? Of course - I can almost guarantee that I was not everyone's preference who was in the room that night. I hope that most people who didn't appreciate my appearance or performance were mature enough to accept that fact and move along. And why should I care what any "haters" thought (you know, the ones who weren't mature enough to simply move along) - I mean... I sorta HOPE that I annoy them! I don't wanna know those kind of people, anyway.

And so it is with life in general, not only performing.

And so, the 3 minutes my song took were over. I took my time waving to the audience as I exited. I put my hands in the shape of a heart and then extended my hands outward... love and energy to you, lovely audience, and to you lovely reader.

#Solo #Firstsolo #Paradigmshift #Lifechanging #Outlook