No more buts (but plenty of butt!)

For a long time I've felt like I have to justify my existence as a plus sized woman.

I think back to my past history of online dating. (Oh! The humiliation!) "I'm curvaceous , but don't let it fool you - I'm no couch potato!" or something similar I would declare.

"I'll have your cottage cheese salad with the side of fruit and a glass of water" - at the restaurant - when in reality I wanted the burger and fries, but oh no - someone may figure out that I like food if I go and order that, and wouldn't that be humiliating?

I recently re-joined a gym. It's also in all the times I'm silent when people congratulate me and tell me that with some hard work I, too - can "get there" with weight-loss. In reality I re-joined the gym because I like being active, and my arthritis feels better when I swim. I admit that I wouldn't mind if weight-loss happens, but, if it doesn't that is ok, too.

Of course, recently in my group of friends - a friend of a friend had been extremely salty to me. I handled it, and it didn't bother me, since I know this person is just like this - it isn't personal. Of course he was telling me things like - how much weight I should lose for maximum health, how I should lose it, what kind of diet I should be on, along with encouragement - I can do it!

And I felt like I had to justify and/or explain my position as a plus-sized person. I almost told him these truths about myself -

And then, I got to thinking. What about large folks who do not have PCOS or weren't born premature? It is still ok for them to exist, is it not? They are still deserving of basic human kindnesses , are they not? We can still, as a culture, be kind to people even if they aren't our personal vision of - health, beauty, attractiveness, etc... right?

Food for thought -

Researchers and experts are now finding strong scientific links between sexual and emotional trauma and abuse and morbid obesity. I do wish that the next time some trolls feel the need to poke fun of someone - that they would know the person they are laughing at may have survived something more extreme than anything the troll could possibly imagine.

And another thing this topic brings up for me, is the defensiveness I feel against being associated as inactive. Not all plus sized people sit on the couch all day. Just like not all thin people spend all their time at the gym.

I find myself in a precarious situation as far as activity level. Pain and arthritis are somewhat hindering my activity levels. Though I still very much so enjoy being active, my activities are more along the lines of walking, gardening, dance, water aerobics and swimming. And sometimes, sometimes yes - I do enjoy sitting down with a good movie.

So I'm not the same as a couch potato - but I am also not the same as the live at the gym marathon runner.

In closing - I find it sad that *anyone* (including you fit/thin folks out there) would feel the need to *justify* anything about their person. You are a soul in a body. Taking care of said body is good, but it isn't all there is about you.

I also got to thinking about how selective I am about photos that go online of me. Choosing the "flattering" shots instead of ones that show my body in ways that aren't as slimming. So, with this post I will include a recent "less than flattering" photo. So what. It's my body and I like my expression in this one. :-D (Also, please note: this blog is written by my burlesque self - but this photo comes from a belly-dance performance - I do both)