Inspired or lack of

Hi all, I haven't written for awhile, because I haven't felt like it. Don't take it personally - I haven't felt like much of anything. I feel like sleeping, eating frosting from the can and watching my default "I'm disappointed" movies. (That's "Her" and "She Devil" - incase anyone was wondering.) and that is about it.

And then I thought, why not write about that? If I'm going through this, that means other people probably are too, maybe some insight of mine can help someone else, or at least help others find some solidarity.

Maybe it's this time of year. There is a lot of pressure to be happy. I know, isn't that odd wording? But it does seem like the more you chase happiness the harder it is to actually be happy. The quote in the picture from Henry David Thoreau says it better.

This time of year can also point out ways in which our lives do not match the "Hallmark holiday movie". Of course, who really does have the "Hallmark" family, life or anything? Hardly anyone.

Part of my problem is (still) letting what others think of me dictate how I feel about myself. But when you are constantly made aware through the actions or words - and sometimes downright rudeness - of others that you are inferior in any fashion - you start to really doubt your worth and your potential.

But why? I am the same me as when I have felt really awesome, really - kick ass for lack of better wording, so... yeah.

I should be choreographing a new burlesque solo. But maybe it's my mood, but nothing seems to be working out. In my first one - I had what I felt like were a lot of "big" moments. This one feels like Oooo, I'm moving around on stage. Whup -de-do. Then again... I think when I have time I shall schedule some time with the lovely Scarlett Revolver of So yes... help is available for both me and my currently underwhelming routine.

I'm so used to sugar-coating, to denying my feelings - in a way writing this has been empowering even if it isn't the "Body positive" / "Hip Hip Hooray" type posts I envisioned this blog mostly being.

And while I'm on the topic, I just wanted to add that I do have a lot to be thankful for - I have my faith, health, parents and friends who love me, my mobility, a roof over my head and food to eat, aren't those the most important things? The rest can fall into place.

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas , holiday, and/or winter season

Xoxo Fleur