A journey in time, attitudes : My first year in burlesque.

I don't know on what day - but some time in October of 2016 - I took the plunge and decided to check out Burlesque class over at Revolver Studios. I didn't know what to expect. I'd see Burlesque shows a couple of times and had always wanted to be one of the pretty performers up there, but I didn't think it was possible.

It was also a really interesting time in my life that mixed romance with betrayal. But that would be another book to write.

Now dance has been a part of my life for a long time in the form of bellydance. And it, too , has been groundbreaking in the way of me forming lifelong friends, art form, self discovery, adventures, and confidence. I doubt I could have pursued burlesque without having this foundation of bellydance in my past and present and future. However, burlesque to me represented something entirely different. Burlesque is sex appeal. Now, bellydance can be sexy too. But to my mind "Sexy" is entirely optional to belly dance. But I never felt that sexy is where I took my variety of bellydance. Burlesque on the other hand - sometimes called "the art of the tease" - is about sex appeal.

So, I went to my first burlesque class, alone. Without knowing anyone else there. Just couldn't talk anyone else into it. But I felt driven to do it.

Class was better for me in ways that I couldn't have imagined. The instructor - the beautiful Scarlette Revolver was always encouraging and supportive. I got to know the other ladies in class and which them bloom and flower - which have lead to new and rewarding friendships.

For the first class (which I forget now, was it 6 weeks or 8 weeks?) I still felt like I was utterly and overly ridiculous when trying to be alluring. I think "cheesy" was my thought about myself. By that time we had learned 1 whole routine. I was panicking a little that I wasn't "getting it". But into the second routine I finally connected with it.

Another interesting turn of attitude in my year long journey - was my valuation of myself.

Before: My valuing of myself was based on how many people flattered me. It was external, and not internal.

After: Well, I still like compliments, alright? But now I find that I know that I kick ass. Not just in the sense that I can take my clothes off in front of people (which kicks ass in and of itself), but generally speaking too. Am I perfect? No. Am I where I want to be? No? But that is alright. I am still a kind person, who enjoys learning things, observing humans, I'm a good friend and daughter, and I have hobbies and interests that I love about myself.

And it's all alright. I'm on a journey in life as well as burlesque.